but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
FUCK WHALES
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
