she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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