do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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