so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
