Best friends brother. Beat that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
