Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
