i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
