i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
time to smoke my breakfast
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
