Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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