yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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