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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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