Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
