I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
