my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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