is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
