The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
