After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
