it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
