I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
