dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
