she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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