you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
