I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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