John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize