I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
