you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
