In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think my vagina is haunted
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize