I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
