just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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