she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
