Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize