your parents love me but you hate me
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
