We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
