i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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