mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
