So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm jealous of your bromance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
