I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
