I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
