i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just threw up on my dentist
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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