Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
