i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
