We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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