why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize