Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
