I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
