Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize