I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The air taste purple.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
