I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
