Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
