He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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