pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
