i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
