Apparently you make a good broom.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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