you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
