Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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