i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
