How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
