I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize