member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize