Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
