The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
