I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
being pregnant is like rehab
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
