It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
