I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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