so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
