i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
