mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
