Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
