2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
