swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i believe in u and ur pee
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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