He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
