this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
