I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize