Cold hands, warm shart.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
