'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
