I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize