are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
