im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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