I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
