You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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