i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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