My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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