she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
