So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
