I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
