I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
