Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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